I have not given up

So, it has been a while. I have missed this. Getting my feelings on paper is so unbelievably helpful. It is a tool to get all of the emotions that are tough to express to others. And right now, there are some that need to be released.

I am really frustrated and stressed. I had this great plan in mind. I got my relationship with food under control first. I added exercise and joined the gym I am surprised that adding the gym to my regimen was easier than I thought and for the most part I really enjoyed it. I was making amazing strides in my weight loss. I was getting my sleep and stress under control. I was feeling good. The holidays came and went and during that time we went on a cruise and I did lose not during that time but I didn’t gain much either and I stayed active and I saw that as a win. I know things in life will happen like vacations and holidays and that food is a big part of that for me. I am learning to embrace it and not see it as a negative. I am learning I then need to work harder around those events and not shy away from them. I think it has been a part of my success this time.

I also know that during this journey that there are times that motivation will be high and those times will be easier. And then there will be other times that it will be unbelievably difficult and motivation will be almost non-existent. Now is one of those times. I have been sick off and on since New Year’s Eve. I have had a horrible cough that has not allowed me to go to the gym. I have been frustrated. Getting sleep has been difficult. Work has been super busy and I obviously have not been 100%. I am far, far behind. So stress has been a huge factor. This is a perfect storm for a lapse. And there have been mini lapses. Full confession, I had chocolate cookies yesterday that I stress ate. I had chocolate donuts for breakfast. It can be hard.

Here is the thing. I still think about what I want in the end. I still have my big picture in mind. Life is full of roadblocks. Should I let a roadblock stop me from achieving what I want? The only failure would be to give up all together. I can still do this. Every minute and every meal is an opportunity to succeed. Every slip is an opportunity to do better. So as hard as it is and as challenging life can be, I want this to be a life long change. I want to better myself. I want to be an inspiration to my kids. I want my husband to be proud. I still want to do this!

So what is next? Right now, I am working on getting my emotional eating back under control. I have been advised to wait until my cough subsides before I can start going back to the gym. I feel like I am getting there but not there yet. I need to take the time to get my stress levels under control again. And once those happen, I hope sleep will fall in line. And then my motivation will peak again. I am not giving up.