Time to mourn and move on

I have had a hard week. I have had no energy, motivation and have just felt off, almost sad. I have been struggling to figure out what the issue has been. Is it being cooped up without a lot of interaction? Is it the weather?

I think I am in mourning. It sounds silly but I feel that life will never be the same again. I think that the fear that has consumed our lives will be with us for quite a while. The longer it lasts the more it will permanently shape a new normal for us all. Gone are the days of close contact and interaction. We will become a more socially distant society.

I am definitely an ambivert. There are times where I want to be with nobody else but myself. I don’t have the energy to be social. I just want to be alone. But there are other times that I want to be around people. I want to be at concerts, bars, parties and family functions. I want to talk in person and give my friends and family a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I want to all be in the same room and not on a computer screen.

I also want to be able to go a store and be able to browse. I want to be able to pick up fruit and not feel guilty about putting it back down. I want to be able to try on clothing. I want to be able to chat with customer service employees. I want to be closer than six feet.

I want to be at work. I want to be there with patients in the office. I want to not have to worry what they have touched and what now needs to be sanitized. I want to talk to them without a mask on and not have to worry about how many people are in the office at one time. I worry about the new reality of temperature checks and who could secretly have coronavirus.

I know that this sounds like a whole lot of whining. But I need to mourn what will probably never be again. I need to face these emotions so I can learn to embrace what is new and will become normal. I need mourn in order to move on.