Why is this so hard?

OK…it has been a bit. I could sit here and tell you how life has been hard and crazy busy but you don’t want to hear about that. All I can tell you is I have broke a record. I am at my record highest weight. I have had my own personal pity party and a really good cry. Now, it is time to do something about it.

Since I last wrote, I have tried this all on my own. I have tried Beachbody and I have tried Weight Watchers. I have planned, shopped, cooked and worked out. I have meal planned and committed to exercise. I have weighed myself and taken measurements. I have also binged ate, stress ate, broken my workout commitments and had some sleepless nights. I have lost my way only to start all over again. I really want to know why this is so hard?

The thing is, I know why this is so hard. The reason is me. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. And I mean really unhealthy. I use it as a comfort, as a means for celebration, and as a punishment. I use it to mask feelings and to ease anxious feelings. And then there is exercise. I loathe it. Well, I should say that I hate getting ready and thinking about exercise but not really doing it. But more on that another time.

So it seems like this is hopeless, right? Wrong! I am ready. I am ready to be a better me. I am ready to get healthy because in all honesty, I am not right now. I am ready to get stronger and more energetic. Will it be easy? Heck no! Will it be fun? Maybe at times, but not all the time. I will have some successes and some setbacks. I know I have said this before, but this time will be different.

Why will it be different? I only answer I have right now is “I believe”. That is all I’ve got. And who’s to say that I will believe next week. But here we go. I have signed up for Noom again. I have met my coach and completed my first lessons. I have set my first goals. I am going to work hard to meet the goals I set. I am going to feel healthier and stronger. I am going to be fit and fabulous.